Innocent_Doll

I've been pretty lazy! =/ I'm not losing weight or gaining...so i can't say that im doing bad..but i cant say im doing good eitheir!...baaah...i so freakin' hate being this fat ass! =/

I need to move faster

save myself from my own thoughts

words are killing me harder

but still I keep fighting for a better tomorrow!

I'm trying to forget all my bad memories

but all my memories seem to want me,

they're following me everywhere I go,

haunting my walk through each door!

My soul's crying,

as I'm falling,

all I want is a smile

not a lie to broke me inside...

Scars of my past

won't let me go

they keep showing me

the sadness I've been through..

When I think I'm doing good,

something bad happen,

I open the scars of my past

and my blood relieves the pain!

I wish I could wake up,

But I can't!

I wish I could stand up

and take your hand!

I need to find the cure

b4 I drown in my own blood

the open scars need to close 4ever

but 4ever belongs to me! 

The darkness stills in my thoughts

I don't know what I'm feeling anymore

Sometimes I'm okay but sometimes I'm not

Sometimes I wanna smile and pretend everything’s ok

but suddenly I realize that I can't pretend what's in my eyes!

No one can really understand the sadness I'm in

it's more than tears, It's more than pain

It's a sin, it's insane!

Sometimes I cry all night trying to put it all out

but the pain is strong and it won't come out!

writting it kinda helps me

but hurting myself does too

I don't know if I can take it

I'm sick of this blue!

For a time I knew what I was crying for

now I cry for something more

something I can't explain

something deep, bigger than pain!

I'm so insecure, so self-destructive

why? why do I have to be this way?

I should be able to love myself

loving who I am

instead I keep inside all this pain!

Why?!?

I'm a sin,

sin of the unknown

of the ignorance

of the innocence

of stupidity

I should be able to love myself

today, tomorrow and everyday!

I tried everything but it's so damn hard

I should be able to get out of the dark!

I want to find my light, my guide, myself

I want to find the happiness

of being with someone else!

I L U V  u my love

but I can't love me!

but I know that some day

I'll get out of this sin!

So for you I keep this promise

one day, somehow

I'll be able to love

what I can't love now!